Meet Alanah Sabatini

Today we’d like to introduce you to Alanah Sabatini.

Hi Alanah, can you start by introducing yourself? We’d love to learn more about how you got to where you are today.
I’ve been playing music since I was 4 years old when my parents put me in piano lessons. I was living in Michigan at the time. I grew as a musician through my involvement in church worship bands when I was a teenager, and I fell in love with music. I wanted to pursue a career as a worship pastor, so I eventually moved across the state to attend a music ministry school through a different church. I started producing my music around that time as well and dabbled in songwriting. I graduated from that program in 2019 and soon joined the paid staff as their music director. In 2020, things took a major turn in my life. 

All in one year, I was diagnosed with a rare type of skin cancer, the pandemic hit in the middle of my cancer treatment, I began questioning my sexuality, and I was outed and shamed by the pastors whom I loved and trusted. They tightened a grip of control on me, and I was told over and over again that I was broken and dangerous. After months of being closely monitored and ashamed, I finally decided to stand up for myself and left that church entirely at the end of that year, grieving the loss of my career and my friendships. 

I took a break from playing music for a while after that. I moved to Nashville in 2021, hoping for a fresh start, but even then, it was too painful to play my keyboard or guitar as I was always reminded of the trauma I went through whenever I picked them up. I gave up on it and didn’t touch music again for a couple of years. One day, in February 2023, I was in the middle of a pretty dark depression, and I sat at my keyboard in hopes that I could play something that would help. When I was religious, playing and singing Christian songs would often help lift my mood whenever I was dealing with a bout of depression or anxiety, which I often was at the time. 

This time, however, all I felt was pain and bitterness when I tried to sing one of those old songs. Then a thought occurred to me: What if I sang those old familiar melodies, with different words? I began playing the chords of my favorite hymn, “Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing,” but I replaced the words: “I was lost in utter darkness, I was trapped in toxic shame. I was bound by my religion till I chose to break away. Now I’m finding my true colors. For the first time, I feel free. Now I’m learning self-compassion, and as I heal, I’m finding peace.” I immediately burst into tears as a wave of relief and light washed over me. 

I posted my new creation on TikTok, and it quickly went viral – I was overwhelmed with comments from people who had immense pain telling me my song soothed them or healed something in them. Those comments and DMs just kept coming. Hearing people’s stories was so special, and it healed something in me to know I was not alone. My song eventually reached people all around the world and from all kinds of backgrounds too, including people who identify as religious but desire to live out their faith in a loving and accepting way. I loved hearing their perspectives, and it wasn’t long before I heard about progressive churches singing my rewritten verse in their worship services. 

I kept going. I started rewriting more classic hymns into affirming & loving songs and posting clips on TikTok and Instagram. More and more people found my work and it resonated with it. 

I connected with local artist Ashley White, and we co-wrote the rest of the verses together. We decided to call the rewritten song “True Colors.” In the recording process, I had the idea of inviting all my new TikTok followers to submit recordings of them singing, which I then compiled in my DAW to sound like a whole choir singing together. In the end, I had a beautiful 55-voice choir, which you can hear at the end of the track. I released True Colors in the summer of 2023, and to this day I continue to get messages thanking me for the impact that song has had on people’s lives. 

I can officially say now that I enjoy playing music again, and I am incredibly grateful. Despite leaving the religion that told me my life wouldn’t have meant outside of it, I have found a deep sense of purpose and meaning in my work today. I’m passionate about music’s power to heal and bring people together, and I feel so lucky that I am building a career around that. Right now, I am working on producing an album of reclaimed hymns, and I’ve been writing my original songs again too. 

Can you talk to us about the challenges and lessons you’ve learned along the way? Looking back, would you say it’s been easy or smooth in retrospect?
The road has been bumpy, to say the least. Leaving a tight-knit religious community was one of the most difficult things I have ever done. I lost friends who I thought would be by my side for life, and I’ve had to grapple with big questions that I’d never had to think about before, like what my purpose in life could be. That was an especially scary question to have to ponder while dealing with cancer treatment in the middle of a pandemic. 

Coming to terms with my sexuality was a long road too; I had lots of indoctrinated internalized homophobia to unravel, and once I started on that path, my existence was no longer compatible with the life I once lived, so I had to figure out who the *real me* was. After that, I had to figure out the role music played in my life after feeling like it was stolen out of my hands for a time. All in all, I have been through a lot. But it wasn’t for nothing, and I think my pain and subsequent healing journey have led to some of my best work as a musician. 

Thanks for sharing that. So, maybe next you can tell us a bit more about your work?
My main specialty is music composing and producing, and I’m especially skilled in creating music that moves people emotionally. I try to incorporate that sense of emotional connection into all my projects. I’ve done music production work for small bands and solo artists, but my main focus right now is my solo work. 

I am most known for my reclaimed religious songs and the safe space I’ve worked hard to cultivate online for people who are deconstructing their old religion and are feeling alone or unsafe, especially LGBTQIA+ folks like me. 

If you had to, what characteristic of yours would you give the most credit to?
I think connection and authenticity are of the utmost importance for me and my work, and those two things go hand-in-hand. Authenticity has always been a core value of mine, but it’s especially important to me now that I have a small platform. 

My vulnerability in sharing “real life” moments of my healing journey gives people something to relate to, something to help them feel less alone. Without those deep connections with my community, my work wouldn’t be the same, and to be honest, I don’t know if I’d have the strength to do it at all. 

Pricing:

• $1/month (or more) on Patreon to support me.

Contact Info:

• Website: alanahsabatini.com
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alanah.dont.wanna/
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@alanahdontwanna
• SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/alanahsabatini
• Other: https://www.tiktok.com/@alanahdontwanna

Image Credits
Shelby Monnette