Inspiring Conversations with Ila (ila) Dillender

Today we’d like to introduce you to Ila Dillender.

Hi Ila, so excited to have you with us today. What can you tell us about your story?
I’d be happy to! Grab a cocktail, a coffee or your favorite tea because this is a long one! Better make it two! 🙂 I grew up in Fort Lauderdale, FL, with my parents and two sisters. I have an older sister and a twin sister but growing up, we were more like triplets b/c of our very close sister bond. It’s probably what I cherish most in life. I am very much a girls girl and always have been. I was also born on Valentine’s Day and as cheesy as it sounds, I really do love love! I have always had a deep appreciation for fashion, quality fabrics, creative style, impeccable craftsmanship, etc so I went to college for Marketing with a Fashion Minor. My grandmother was an excellent seamstress and dressmaker so I credit her for all of it!

The women in my life are the center of my universe and have helped me through some of my darkest days. When I was 18 years old, I was raped in Orlando, FL, where I was living at the time. This horrific event completely turned my life upside down. This kind of trauma was not something I was prepared to handle and on top of the act itself, the justice system was a total joke. The lead detective assigned to the case was a woman and at the end of her investigation, she looked me in my eye and said that she had interviewed the three men involved (together) and that she just couldn’t picture them doing anything like this to me. That they all seemed like “good southern boys that would never do something like this.” The case is still open today, 18 years later. After much therapy and ten years later, I was engaged to a man who was stationed at the Bethesda Naval Hospital in MD. We met in Nashville and I moved to MD to be with him.

Since there really isn’t a fashion scene in MD, I started working for a 4th generation jewelry store where I created and sold engagement rings and wedding bands. This is where I was introduced to the wedding industry. This is also where I experienced my second trauma. The jewelry store was robbed one Tuesday afternoon at 2 pm on a snowy February day. Four masked men rushed the store, forced me on the floor, put a gun to my back and pepper-sprayed me in the face as they took as many Rolex watches as they could. This unfortunate situation re-triggered much of my fear, depression and anxiety that I *thought* I had handled from my first trauma. I was scared of my own shadow for the next 6-12 months. My time in MD was not kind to me. It’s as if the state was rejecting my presences and a whole slew of bad things started to happen after the robbery. My fiance at the time and I lived three blocks from the jewelry store so I would walk to and from work.

One night after the robbery, I was followed by a man on my walk home. The following week someone through a giant rock through my back car window and the following week after that our house was broken into. The cops in the charming little town of Fredrick, where we lived, told me that they believe this was all linked to the robbery. Since I was one of three woman on the sales floor that day and looked at the robbers when they rushed the store (which you are trained not to do) and since the trial was coming up the cops thought that the men who weren’t caught but involved in the robbery were trying to scare me from testifying. A few weeks later I ended up tearing my ACL playing volleyball and couldn’t walk. Needless to say, these events seriously affected my relationship and I ended up calling off our engagement. I moved back to FL for a month to heal, cry it out and be with my family. I moved back to Nashville after spending a month in FL. My sisters, my mother, my aunts and cousins, my grandmothers, my lady friends (and of course dad) all loved me when I couldn’t love myself. It’s wild what trauma does to our psyche and how we can turn against ourselves for things that we didn’t ask for, aren’t our fault and is not a reflection of who we are. I worked hard on loving myself again, getting rid of shame I carried, forgave people who had hurt me, learned to trust in love again and became a more kind, understanding and tolerant human. I credit my therapist, my family and my incredibly supportive friend group. When I moved back to Nashville I started working as a stylist for a bridal shop in town and everyone called me crazy. They said “Ila you just called off your own engagement and you’re going to work for a bridal shop?” Don’t get me wrong, there were moments when I pretended to “go grab a gown from the back room” but was secretly crying in the back room.

But for the most part, it brought so much joy, love and happiness back into my life. To see another woman feel like the most beautiful version of herself and to help her pick out the most special dress she will ever wear brought so much healing. It helped me get out of my own shit and focus on someone else. Focus on helping another woman feel so lovely, so loved and so special. Every woman deserves that – whether she is getting married or not. I personally know how it feels to feel disgusting and hate yourself. I never want another lady to ever experience those terribly negative feelings. I watched women not feel good enough at certain times during their bridal appointments, I listened to them talk down to themselves if they didn’t feel skinny enough or cool enough and I wasn’t going to let that happen. I’m their biggest cheerleader because more times than not, we are all struggling with our own demons, traumas and I want to help lift women up just like the women in my life did for me when I needed it most! About 3-4 years after working for this particular store, I decided to open my own shop and offer a better way to do bridal. Ila Bridal!

Alright, so let’s dig a little deeper into the story – has it been an easy path overall and if not, what were the challenges you’ve had to overcome?
I had an amazing opening and first year but yes, there were a few struggles along the way. Shortly after I opened the Nashville tornado came through in March. I was living in East Nashville at the time and my building was unlivable for two weeks. What felt like the next day Covid shut down the entire world. I was heartbroken to say the least and was terrified that my new baby business would not survive. Well, we did! Thank you God! Because of what Covid did to almost every industry, the bridal business was hit hard. Now, more than ever, I am so happy and grateful that I opened off the rack rather than made to order. There are many designers that lost their entire team, didn’t have seamstresses to make gowns, they literally couldn’t source the same fabrics and consequently couldn’t fill orders. Never mind the insane shipping delays. Brides needed a more simple and affordable option. They also needed/wanted instant gratification. Ila Bridal!

Great, so let’s talk business. Can you tell our readers more about what you do and what you think sets you apart from others?
I intentionally opened an off the rack bridal shop to help simplify the way a woman finds and purchases her gown without sacrificing style, quality or the experience of finding THE dress. Purchasing a wedding gown off the rack is not a very common way to shop but I wanted to make designer, high style, ethically made bridal more accessible for every woman. Not just the select few that can spend somewhere between $5-20K on a gown, so, I decided to sell brand new, unaltered, modern bridal wear right off the pretty gold racks in my shop. This simply means that a woman walks out of the shop with her wedding gown in hand the day she purchases it rather than waiting 6-12 months to have it made… and then spend another $500+ to get it altered to fit her properly. The designers I carry are ethical humans that source, design and manufacture ethically. They pay their employees properly and are not involved in the dirty dirty practices that the fashion industry very often can be wrapped up in.

I’m very proud of that! I don’t know how a woman can feel good in a gown that was made at another woman’s expense which is why I very much care about ethical fashion. Purchasing off the rack is also very eco friendly and saves women thousands of dollars on their gown. I’m able to remove the traditional markup on bridal (which in my opinion is criminal) by selling directly off the rack. I work with a master, bridal seamstress that tailors dresses for my brides as well as handles any and all of the customizations (for example, if a bride wants to lower the back of a gown or change a neckline, etc.). I am open by appointment only and each bride gets the full shop to herself when shopping with me during her private appointment. Bridal appointments are 75 minutes each and accessory appointments are 30 minutes each. My brides have so lovingly nicknamed me their bridal fairy god mother, a title I am proud of. I was once apon a time in the “made to order” business and I honestly just listened to what brides were unhappy about in regards to their wedding gown shopping experience. It was so expensive, it took too long to get the gown and they weren’t treated very nicely at stuffy bridal shops. I wanted to change that for woman. Ila Bridal!

What quality or characteristic do you feel is most important to your success?
Being a good listener. And listening with no agenda. Simply listening and hearing people. I’m very much a people person and I love learning about their stories. Life is about stories and learning about people. I believe it’s a privilege to know their stories. Knowing about the designers I carry and knowing them/their brands intimately helps me speak to their designs, gowns, etc. Knowledge about fabrics, construction, alterations, styling from my college education has come in very handy! Having two sisters and always being a girls girl who other girls can relate to is helpful in this line of work. Having a wonderful therapist and mentor has prepared me to take on lots of different personalities! I’ve been told often that I’m a very “bubbly” person who makes others feel comfortable and I think that is a big reason I’ve been successful.

Pricing:

• Prices range from $1000-7k with most gowns falling around $2-3k for ceremony gowns
• Prices range from $100-900 for short dresses, jumpers, separates (tops and skirts), bridal jackets, bridal accessories

Contact Info:

• Email: [email protected]
• Website: https://www.ilabridalstudio.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ilabridal/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ilabridal/