Hidden Gems: Meet Shirley Thiessen of CornerBend Ministries

Today we’d like to introduce you to Shirley Thiessen.

Shirley, we appreciate you taking the time to share your story with us today. Where does your story begin?
It’s not if, but when. Those who love will also grieve. The deeper the relationship, the greater the pain of loss.
You and I know this is true. But until we’re robbed of someone important to us, we rarely give it much thought.
On October 18, 2012, a personal and unexpected tsunami of grief threatened to destroy me. My 23-year-old son, Jordan, died in a workplace accident. Twelve days after celebrating his wedding, I was planning Jordan’s funeral. I couldn’t imagine living without my son.
My son’s three best friends were his groomsmen. Two weeks later, they were pallbearers. As Jordan’s friends shared recent fun memories in their tributes, it hit me. There would never be more memories. Jordan’s young adult life ended much too soon.
Chantel, Jordan’s sister, instantly lost her only sibling and confidante. Jordan’s death robbed my husband and I of our only son, and our future with him. A beautiful 22-year-old bride was now a widow. Dreams shattered.
No longer was death just a theory. Our family experienced a well-known fact that few are brave enough to face: life is fragile. We felt completely unprepared for the most common human experience—the devastating loss of a loved one.
Why?
We live in a death-denying, grief-avoidant society that sanitizes or skips death and loss.
My grief journey took me into a disorienting, dense fog. I felt utterly lost. Nothing about my life looked normal, predictable, or hopeful. If it weren’t for the courageous friends who walked this messy path with us, I don’t know if my family would have made it through our darkest days.
Caring friends lent us their hope for a brighter day when we couldn’t believe that was possible. They listened to us talk about our sorrow and our son. With empathy, they acknowledged our loss and validated our pain. Many fervently prayed for us to have strength and courage to move through our grief. And they were—and still are—patiently present to us.
Grief has no end date; there is no finish line. Grief may soften over the years, but it’s always present. Like an amputation of a leg, you are always aware of what is missing. You learn to walk again, but with a limp. Caring friends express empathy and lend support in ways that help you move forward with renewed purpose and hope.
Sadly, though, I’ve met many grieving souls who don’t have caring friends like mine. That’s not ok. No one should have to grieve alone.
Most people simply don’t know what is helpful to say or do to support their grieving friends. The younger me was one of those people—awkward around the bereaved. Fear of doing the wrong thing paralyzed me. Often I’d default to doing nothing.
I’ve since learned that avoiding a grieving person feels like indifference to them. And indifference can feel more wounding than hate.
When hurting people don’t have safe friends with whom they can talk about their grief, the tendency is to stuff the emotions down. Some will cope by numbing out the pain with unhealthy choices. I’ve discovered this: You have to feel it to heal it. Unresolved grief results from ignoring it. And this can become the root cause of emotional and relational dysfunction.
Those who refuse to face their emotions and mourn their losses find it difficult to express empathy to others. Or they decide it’s unnecessary. Sad, but true. So, there’s a shortage of caring people kindly supporting those who grieve.
This is a problem I am committed to help solve through grief education. As founder and grief coach with CornerBend Ministries, I offer a playbook of best practices for anyone who feels uncertain to navigate their own loss and express empathy to those who grieve.
Inspired by caring friends, I wrote a book, “The Little Black Funeral Dress–Five Things I Wish I Had Known About Grief” and created an online/on-demand video course, “Hope Heroes- a framework for sharing hope with the brokenhearted.” I’m convinced that everyone can grow companioning skills with these resources.
Affectionately, I use the name “Hope Hero” to describe anyone who lends hope to a griever by expressing empathy. A Hope Hero knows they can’t fix the pain of loss, but they can help to carry it.
How?
Simply do the L.A.P.P. It’s an acrostic for: Listen. Acknowledge the loss. Pray. Patiently be Present.
These four steps are not always easy or convenient, but life-giving to the one whose heart is breaking. A griever needs to feel seen, heard, and loved. When a Hope Hero is present, no one has to grieve alone.
Empathy has a ripple effect. A griever who feels supported is likely to pay it forward and be a Hope Hero for someone else. Hope Heroes make the world a kinder, more compassionate place to live—and that is simply heroic.
Would you say it’s been a smooth road, and if not, what are some of the biggest challenges you’ve faced along the way?
No, it’s definitely not been a smooth road. Grief is a very personal and emotional topic for me to speak about. I frequently experience a “vulnerability hangover” (Brene Brown’s phrase) This aptly describes the toll it takes on me emotionally—the day after. Completely spent.
It’s also heartbreaking to listen to the losses of others. I grieve with many others who have lost a loved one and it can feel exhausting. But it’s also rewarding to support others as I have been.
Grief has been a global experience with a myriad of losses throughout the last two years of COVID. More than ever, people have felt isolated, alone and longing for a Hope Hero to come alongside.
To my surprise, I’ve discovered that serving others is part of the griever’s self-care. A little piece of healing takes place when we look up from our own hurts and choose to support someone else.

We’ve been impressed with CornerBend Ministries, but for folks who might not be as familiar, what can you share with them about what you do and what sets you apart from others?
CornerBend is a non-profit that believes the untapped advantage of relational and organizational health is empathy. It’s a super-power. As we express empathy to the brokenhearted, resiliency replaces feelings of despair. Empathy accelerates trust. And when trust is present, human flourishing in every community is not only possible but probable.
As a grief coach, I offer proven and valued concepts to empower every community to be kindly supportive of those who grieve..
For too long, well-meaning people assumed they knew what was helpful to say to someone grieving a loss. Often, it had the opposite effect. Instead of helping, words or actions were wounding. But there’s been a significant lack of training in this area. We don’t know what we don’t know.
For example, the younger me would try to cheer up the griever or offer a “silver lining” of sorts by saying things like this:
“At least your loved one lived a long life.”
“At least they’re no longer in pain.”
“At least you have other children.”
Any phrase that starts with “at least” diminishes the griever’s loss with toxic positivity. Instead, let’s get comfortable with vulnerability and sorrow. Imagine what it’s like to experience what your grieving friend is experiencing. Cry with them. Tears express empathy more effectively than words.
As a society, let’s stop pretending that death and loss are something to be avoided. It matters that we embrace grief in healthy ways.
Anxiety and depression diminish—when kids and adults alike—choose to live with a meaningful purpose. The choice to be a Hope Hero, someone who notices hurting people and shows up with empathy, is a noble purpose worth pursuing.

Is there a quality that you most attribute to your success?
Empathy.

Pricing:

• $14.99 Cnd Book
• $97.00 Cnd Video Course

Contact Info:

• Email: [email protected]
• Website: https://shirleythiessen.com/
• Instagram: https://instagram.com/cornerbendshirley
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CornerBend

Image Credits
Keeley Joy Photography
Tiffany Walde Photography
Jordan
Chantel Jordan Klukas
Shani Dendy
Shirley Thiessen