Daily Inspiration: Meet Anne-Marie Zanzal

Today we’d like to introduce you to Anne-Marie Zanzal. 

Hi Anne-Marie, can you start by introducing yourself? We’d love to learn more about how you got to where you are today?
I was raised conservative Catholic in New England. What does that mean? I was taught as a woman my needs came second to everyone else and that homosexuality simply did not exist. I had no role models. 

I crafted a life of service and was married in 1989 to my now ex-husband Jim. We built a life together and had four children. Like most married couples we had a lot of ups and downs, but eventually reached a place of calm in our relationship which was built around mutual respect and love for our children. When my kids were 2-14, I went to Yale Divinity School and received a Master of Divinity in preparation to become an ordained minister in the United Church of Christ, a progressive Christian denomination and the sister denomination to the Disciples of Christ here in the South. 

Although I had a safe, but boring, marriage and career as a hospice chaplain, bereavement counselor, and church minister I felt like something was missing, I had achieved a lot and had everything that I was told a woman should have to make her happy. Marriage, children, material wealth, career and still I felt like something was missing in my life, a missing piece. In 2006 I read an article in Oprah Winfrey Magazine that spoke of the fluidity of women’s sexuality and suddenly I had words to describe my experience. I realized although I had started down the “straight” path, I did not have to stay on that path forever. At that moment I knew that if something ever happened to my husband and I, my next relationship would be with a woman. 

Over the next decade, after a LOT of stops and starts, I realized that I am a lesbian and a member of the LGBTQIA+ community. My ex-husband and I went through a very painful divorce and I eventually met a woman, who is a long-time out lesbian and a Nashville unicorn (she grew up here and is a local). I realized that the “piece” I was missing was my suppressed sexuality and once I acknowledged who I was created to be my world opened up in a thousand different ways. 

We all face challenges, but looking back would you describe it as a relatively smooth road?
It was absolutely the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I experienced multiple disenfranchised losses (grieving something that is not publicly acknowledged or openly mourned). My first two losses were the identity in the world as a straight heteronormative woman and my family as it existed. My ex, although not partners and lovers as I am with my now wife, we had a friendship based on a mutual love for our family as a unit and our children. 

I lost standing in my very heteronormative community as a married woman, to which anyone who was divorced can relate. My work identity. I was a chaplain and the public face of the hospice where I worked, the executive director no longer used me in this role when I came out. Ironically, I did not have to grieve my church community like many of my LGBTQIA+ friends, the congregation was very supportive of this former associate pastor. But I grieved my relationship to religion and how in many ways it kept me in the closet for so long. I also struggled with my faith in God. I experienced ambiguous grief of a future that I imagined I was going to have and the past of a lesbian woman I did not. One thing I did not have to grieve was the loss of a catalyst (the person who makes you realize that you may not be straight) which can be devastating in our community because that person is also the tie to our newly forming queer identity. 

I wrote about this in an article for the What’ Your Grief website: https://whatsyourgrief.com/lgbtqia-grief-of-coming-out/. 

Thanks for sharing that. So, maybe next you can tell us a bit more about your work?
My background is in group work, training in the healthcare system, hospital and hospice chaplain, and as an ordained minister in the United Church of Christ. Through my journey and experiences of coming out, getting divorced, and searching for support I saw grief and pain, as well as joyous awakenings and new self-discoveries. It can be confusing to hold these dichotomies as well as seek support solely from heterosexual sources. I realized there was a need for support, particularly for women coming out later in life. 

Through my training in chaplaincy, I have a deep understanding of a wide variety of religious and spiritual practices. It has helped me bring an open-minded approach to faith and spirituality so that I can create and hold space for those who are questioning their sexuality and their faith. I also a Compassionate Bereavement Provider certified through the MISS Foundation. 

In 2018 I started later in life mutual support groups. This is a place for women to come together on a weekly basis to process and obtain both the resources and support to navigate this unique later in life experience. I am very proud to say these groups became known as a place to find community, safety, open conversation, and laughter about the journey of coming out or just questioning and being part of the later-in-life LGBTQIA+ community. 

As these support groups grew, members began to ask about one-on-one coaching, so I expanded my services to provide individual coaching alongside the support groups. The intimacy of one-on-one coaching allows for conversations hard to have in a group and delving deeply into more personal experiences. 

My goal is to provide compassionate support to makes the process of coming out less isolating or provide clarity to the questioning and even someone to share the joy of newfound authenticity. I work to hold space to process all aspects of your identity including your sexuality and your spirituality. I seek through individual and group coaching to empower my clients to find courage to authentically and boldly discover who they truly are. 

I also work with people in the LGBTQIA+ community who are grieving a loss or reframing their religious and spiritual beliefs. 

What were you like growing up?
I am the youngest of five and there is nine years between me and my next sibling. My parents were older when they had me and all my sibling left the home by the time, I was nine. Home was both a minefield, because of my parent’s marriage struggles, and quiet. I was a deeply introspective kid, smart who loved books. I was often nominated for leadership positions with my peers. Books opened up the world to me and I realized there were many diverse ways to live one’s life. I had a natural infinity to spirituality, religious beliefs, history, and politics. Although I did not have a word for it at the time, I am an empath. 

Contact Info:

• Email: revzanzal@gmail.com
• Website: annemariezanzal.com
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/annemariezanzalcoaching/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/revzanzal
• Twitter: https://twitter.com/annemariezanzal
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCP1uq9yA_EAWfq22swZp89w/videos
• Other: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09DXXM62S/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

Image Credits
Tonda McKay Photography