Kaitlyn Kee shared their story and experiences with us recently and you can find our conversation below.
Good morning Kaitlyn, it’s such a great way to kick off the day – I think our readers will love hearing your stories, experiences and about how you think about life and work. Let’s jump right in? What are you being called to do now, that you may have been afraid of before?
Currently, I am feeling a strong spiritual calling to get back into leading a youth sign language worship team at our church. When I was a teenager, I learned the songs and helped my peers learn them as well. This time, I am the adult, teaching, leading, and gathering everything on my own, while raising my own five children. It’s a step out of my comfort zone. I am not a leader. I do not like to be on the spot, nor do I like being the one to make decisions. I’m nervous going into this new project, stepping up, and teaching these precious children this form of worshipping our Savior. I do not feel worthy of this calling, but I do, without a doubt, feel like this is the direction the Lord is leading me in right now.
Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
I’m a twenty-eight year old artist/herbalist. I started painting in high school and found my passion, though I’ve always loved to draw. My preferred medium is acrylic, but I love the look and feel of oils. When I started having children, my focus shifted from my art to solely on my kiddos. As a mom, especially post Covid, I started questioning everything, which lead to my research of herbalism and making our own medicine. I am in the postpartum bliss of our fifth baby, and am learning to juggle my art and life as a mom. I’ve recently gotten back into painting, which is helping my mental health tremendously, making this one of my most enjoyable postpartum journeys. While I am dipping my toes back into painting, my main focus is still my babies. I’m in the process of homeschooling three out of my five, and am also hoping to be able to work more with the youth at our church. I firmly believe that the children of our world are our future, and the most important thing we can do is pour into them. So while mine are little, that will always be my main focus and greatest job.
Amazing, so let’s take a moment to go back in time. What relationship most shaped how you see yourself?
I think the relationship that has had the most influence on how I see myself, is my relationship with Jesus. Seeing myself through the eyes of the Creator cancels out all of the negative things that I may believe about myself. I see myself as unworthy of this beautiful life ie my husband, children… but through His Word, Christ tells me that I am worthy of His only Son. He tells me that I was chosen, and known before I was “formed in my mother’s womb”. I have ridiculous anxiety. So I often have ideas about myself that are negative, or perceptions of what I feel like others may think of me that are negative. My mind makes up scenarios and feelings that are not good, even from those who are closest to me. But the one thing that never changes is the way that Jesus speaks of His children, His creation in His Word. We are chosen, worthy, redeemed, loved. It’s not the truth of my anxious mind, it’s not the truth of what the world may say about me, it’s the Truth of Jesus Christ and His love for you and me. When I feel at my worst, I know that I am precious to the Father. Even when I mess up or make mistakes. (Which is pretty often.)
When did you stop hiding your pain and start using it as power?
I wouldn’t say that I’ve ever used my pain as power. But I am working on being more vulnerable and open about things that hurt me. I’ve always been afraid of sharing my true feelings. There were a couple of distinguishing events in my childhood that instilled in me the idea that it didn’t matter what you said, even if it was the truth, people would believe about situations what they wanted to. So I held all of my feelings, ideas, and general observations close to my chest. I developed really bad anxiety, and would be on guard constantly. Observing things that people said, things they did, things they liked, to make sure that I was always saying and doing the right things. I was terrified of doing something “wrong”, and desperate to be liked. After I married, I learned that my anxiety actually gave me really bad RBF. So I was thought to be mean and unapproachable. It took some selfreflection and a lot of apologies to get into a good place. And it took my being raw and open about my own struggles, which was incredibly hard for me. It’s also caused insecurities in my home, my brain convincing me that someone is angry at me, when really it has nothing to do with me. I’ve spent many years walking on eggshells. And now I’m trying to do better about not falling into the trap of my own perceptions. Instead, talking about how I’m feeling, and opening up about how something has affected me. During this process, I’ve felt that being more of myself has actually helped me to develop deeper and more meaningful relationships than being hyper aware ever has. It’s freeing to no longer be worried about slipping up and saying something that someone might disagree with. Not to say that I don’t still struggle sometimes or fall into those same patterns. Because it does happen. But I am healing and doing better.
I think our readers would appreciate hearing more about your values and what you think matters in life and career, etc. So our next question is along those lines. What important truth do very few people agree with you on?
I’m usually the first person to throw out the fact that Jesus flipped tables and had David throwing stones, not prayers. Not that I always think the solution to things are fights, nor am I negating the power of prayer. I just feel like some issues that we face, whether it be with friends, family, business, church work, I feel like they sometimes they need to be addressed. And dealt with properly, instead of just silently hoping for things to get better. The excuse is often used that, “It’s always been that way”, or “we dealt with the same thing”. But why would you not want better? If it’s achievable, why would you not want things to be better, instead of just quietly accepting them. I absolutely believe in trusting Jesus to work things out for our good, I absolutely believe in the power of prayer, and asking Him to help us have the discernment to know what to do and when to do it. But I also feel like a lot of things get brushed under the rug, or just accepted as a part of life, when really it’s not okay. And it shouldn’t continue to be ignored as if it were okay. I believe that’s where a lot of deep hurt and issues come from, in part, and that as Christians, we are called to speak up for the better of our brothers and sisters. I think many times that we speak out actively about things that… yes, matter, but don’t help the whole. Like, I think it would not be a second thought to call out someone you cared for if you felt like, according to your belief, they’re living in sin. I feel like many would easily call that wrong and be willing to bring that to attention, under the guise of love, and wanting what is best for them .But it’s not so easy for them to speak out and say something about a person within the church unit actions causing harm to fellow members. It’s seen as causing an uproar, or causing someone else to stumble, negating the fact that maybe those actions have caused someone else to look at Christianity and say, ” that’s not how I want to treat people”.
Because, honestly, as a young teen, that is what caused me to steer away from church and the beliefs that I had grown up with. I had a lot of church hurt, and had seen a lot of people who claimed to love like Christ, act extremely un-Christ like. So I think that often times we focus on the sins/problems that don’t affect us as much as problems that are occurring in our own circles. And not many people agree with me on that.
Okay, so let’s keep going with one more question that means a lot to us: Could you give everything your best, even if no one ever praised you for it?
I always try to give everyone and everything my best. I get very uncomfortable with praise or compliments. Because I never want anyone to think that I did something so that I could get bragged on for it. I love to pour into my family, friends, and those around me. I hope that the people I love will always know and remember that I was there for them. That they could depend on me for whatever they needed. Though, I’m worried that often times my eagerness to help comes off too strong. I worry that I am misunderstood, because I am so quick to offer solutions or help. But that is literally just because I want to be there for and give everything to those I care about, and to things that I believe in and want to see succeed. I worry that it’s seen as wanting to be the one to help, to be the one to get the praise. But that’s not it at all. I just want to be there for those that I care about, and help them any way they need it. I want to give my all, and not do anything halfway. I also show my love best through acts of service. So, there’s that.
Contact Info:
- Instagram: @mycupofkee
- Other: TikTok @mycupofkee
