Today we’d like to introduce you to Denise Knowles.
Hi Denise, thanks for sharing your story with us. To start, maybe you can tell our readers some of your backstory.
I moved to Nashville 27 years ago from Dickson, Tennessee, a county 45 minutes west of Nashville. I came here uneducated and recently separated from my husband at the time so I was a single mother working jobs that did not make ends meet and battling bouts of depression. I was employed by the YMCA, before & aftercare program. That was one of many jobs I worked. One Saturday morning my 3 children and I were doing our Saturday morning clean-up and listening to the radio, the same way I did with my mother as a child. I heard a commercial on 92Q, It was an ad for the Urban League.
It announced a program consisting of computer classes for welfare-to-work mothers. It sparked my curiosity. One thing I knew for sure after graduation, I never wanted to attend school again due to my personal school experience. I graduated from school with the memories of not being able to attend Kindergarten as my brothers had, my third-grade teacher telling me, “A bear with no hands could color better than you, my sixth-grade teacher saying to me, “I hope you enjoy your summer because you’ll be with me next years when your friends move on to the 7th grade.” The one that stung me the most, was being told by my senior class counselor, “Looking at your grades, for certain you’ll never go to college. You’d be great working at Mcdonald’s.”
That made it to the pit of my stomach, to the depths of my heart, ” I learned many years later the words those people spoke over my life had no power, the power came because I believed them. I believed them with every being in my soul. This commercial drew me in, I did want to learn, and more for myself. I wanted a better life for my children, how could I encourage them to learn as much as they could if I was not doing it myself? Excited to make the call I had to figure out how I would keep that same excitement until Monday when the office was open. In those days it was easy to be excited about an idea, but, it was equally easy to talk myself out of doing things. The voices of my past still played in my head, they continued to haunt me.
Monday came, and I made the call and registered for the class. The excitement only grew. I went to classes, I met some amazing people that worked for the organization. I was also a part of a group at that time called WICS, Women In Community Service. We would meet at the Department of Human Services. One of my close friends and I were interviewed by the news as a “Focus story” because of the great results from this group. The interim President of the Urban League Gary Wilson was so impressed with the interview, the next day when I arrived he asked me to come into his office to talk. He shared that he was so compelled with hearing what it took in my day-to-day life with my children. He commended me for representing the Urban League with pride and thanked me for sharing my story not just with him but with all that watched the news.
He was a member of Leadership Nashville an organization that consisted of prominent leaders of the community. Some of them were doctors, lawyers, business owners, and executives. “Denise, these people need to hear your story”, I not quite understood what was so amazing about the struggle of a single mother and why would those people be interested in me. Little did I know that ignited the fire of speaking inside me. Sharing my truth. Sharing the truth of so many single parents. I never felt my story mattered but at this moment my natural gift of gab seemed to have been for a reason. I began speaking on a few platforms, telling people the narrative of a single mother and how it is not a lazy woman sitting on the couch waiting to collect a check.
For that moment they listened but in reality, they got in their Mercedes, Lexus, and BMWs and went on their way after me and the others were done sharing our stories. My focus was still on learning as much as I could for the duration of time I could as a student there. After a while, I sat at the front desk answering the phone many people believed I actually worked there, and I ended up with over 400 hours of volunteer time. I recall one day while working the front desk, this lady walked in. She immediately had my attention. Something about her seemed to shine. She wore a black business suit, and her presence was so BOLD!!!
I was blown away. She and a few others including the interim President stood in the hallway talking and sharing a laugh. I was not trying to listen but I happen to overheard her say, “I LOVE MR. GOOD BAR CANDY BAR’s, whoooo weee.” The time came for me to go home, and I just could not shake the thought of this lady who was surly a business boss, like Mr. Good Bar’s. The next day before going to the Urban League I stopped at Kroger which was across the street from the office to purchase a Mr. Good Bar for this lady.
I took my item to my class and put them down before I walked next door and up the steps to her office. She saw me and with a big smile said “Hey, good morning how are you”? I replied, I am fine, and I have something for you. With an even bigger smile, she responded, “You have something for me?!?” Yes ma’am. I handed her the Mr. Good Bar. “OH, MY GOODNESS!!! Denise, what did I do to deserve this she asked. I was shocked she knew my name, but she did. I said you did not have to do anything to get something you like. She hugged me and said thank you so much. I returned back to class. While I was working on a computer assignment I was called into the director’s office. There she was, the lady with the candy bar in her hand. I sat down wondering what is going on. She began to share with Mr. Wilson what had taken place that morning, and how it impressed her.
I honestly did not think what I did was a big deal, but that small gesture made her day and it made me feel really good. I did not know what she did in her career but I knew she was a leader. I did not even know her name. She officially introduced herself. I am Sharon Hurt, the Executive Director of the Jefferson Street United Merchants Partnership, Inc, would you like to work for me as my assistant? I could not believe my ears. Did this lady just offer me a job I thought to myself. Feeling as if time stopped, I looked at Mr. Wilson smiling. I heard his deep voice say well Denise what do you think? The immediate thought was, yes, yes, yes, but that little girl that was told she would never be smart enough quickly arose in my spirit. The next thing that came to mind was, what if I mess up, I don’t know how to be an assistant, what will I be doing?
I sat for a moment collecting my thoughts to speak. Are you serious? “She said, “Of course I am.” Within a few seconds, I spoke again. My answer is yes. I had no idea at the time how much of a leader Ms. Hurt was. The truth was she had been working as the director for a year by herself, with no budget for any staff at all. She saw something in the small gesture I did that made her commit to building relationships and partnering with other organizations as well as writing grants to pay me. A single mother of 3, with no real experience who was trying to change the narrative for her children. That was many years ago, 22 years to be exact. I was her assistant for 7 years, and because of her, I learned all aspects of running an office.
I did go back to school and received my degree in Business Management. She introduced me to many leaders in the community who see me today and the changes in my life and tell me how proud they are of me and my family. That moment in time was not just about somebody employing someone and paying them money. She saved my life from being the picture society paints of single-parent households. She broke the stereo-typical format of employing someone. She created one of her own for me. One that still influences me today. My family was a part of her family. She believed in me from day one which made a difference.
Life is full of journeys, and each time the things I learned from working with her, I could apply to any position I held. I am a certified life coach(The DUE Over Coach) I have utilized skills with a semi-pro women’s basketball team The Music City Icons, I was also an assistant coach for 3 seasons for a semi-pro men’s basketball team (ABA and PBA Leagues) the Music City Jazz, currently, I work as an SPF Rx Outreach Coordinator for a non-profit organization. I am a published author of the book Love, Roll Lifetime. (available on Amazon) I have been a guest writer in the international online magazine “Off The Bench multiple times, and I am grateful for these things because someone believed in me.
We live in a day and time of high volume of technology and it is a great thing, but human interaction, believing, and supporting one another through life and its turns you just can not replace that. The impact can dynamically change someone’s life. These influences in mine have molded me to do the same for others. Giving someone a helping hand. It is worth it. I had to learn through many heartbreaks, mistakes, letdowns, and bad choices I was better than that. I needed help from people that taught me to do things differently than what I was doing and had seen growing up. I had people that saw in me what I could not see for myself. It has not been an easy journey and I remember finally my life seemed good. I accepted being a single mother.
It was really ok with me. I recall saying a prayer, “God, I accept life with me and my children, it is really fine, but, if you could see fit, just let me have fun. I as a child loved to roller-skate. As an adult, the love only grew, and thanks to my dear friend Meme Warren, she begged me to attend a National skate party for 5 years. I had no idea the great things that I would experience. One of the best things I still have to this day. Sharing my life with the man I met 19 years ago we literally have been together since the first time he called me in 2004. Yes, I met my husband Demitrius Knowles on a roller skating trip in Huntsville, Ala hosted by the Dog Pound Skate Crew. We will soon celebrate our Synergy 17-year Wedding Anniversary on June 3rd, 2023. I think back over my life.
We as a family have gone through many things. During our time dating, I was diagnosed with Renal Kidney failure, and I was a wreck. All I heard was FAILURE. I worried myself to the point it made me physically sick. I believed I was going to die. Petrified for my children losing the only parent in their lives at the time, my nerves were a mess. Out of concern my future husband although neither of us knew he would be that then, came from his home in Memphis to take care of me and my children. He could have dropped me like a hot biscuit, but he did not. After we married it was not easy by any means.
I had to learn to release running a household on my own, parenting and children differences, my family not being supportive at all about me getting remarried, finances due to losing my job, and caring for my mother before she passed. Some things that marriages of many years do not survive, this went on in the first 5 years for us. I also think about the day of our wedding. It was truly my Fairytale Wedding, my mother was there, and my grandmother and my aunts were there. I had no idea who was inside the church but my father was giving me away.
The doors opened, and there right in front of me, I saw Gary Wilson, who was the Interim President at the Uban League the reason I met Sharon Hurt, who gifted me with her skills, by doing my make-up for my wedding. People that had an indescribable impact on my life. The country girl from Dickson Tennessee, the bride whose wedding was featured in the Tennessean because we hosted our formal wedding reception at the local skating rink, yes we skated as husband and wife. His Tux and my gown.
The first couple to have a formal reception at the skating rink in Nashville Tn. In life, you receive some special gifts. Not gifts that may be valuable at the time. Those same gifts help you to endure, grow, and mold you to be better. The only way to truly appreciate it is not to take it for granted and pay it forward to others. That is my intention.
Can you talk to us a bit about the challenges and lessons you’ve learned along the way? Looking back would you say it’s been easy or smooth in retrospect?
Obstacles and challenges, of course. I was raised in a single-parent home. As a child, I witnessed a lot of things a child should not have. I was also the only girl and the youngest. In my family, my grandparents were a huge part of raising us. In their eyes just because I was the girl I was made responsible for things in my home life. Sports I always love and played but if they felt I should be home to take care of my mother that battled some medical issues and addiction then I could not play.
I struggled in school because I needed help but the teachers apparently did not bother to do so. I had my personnel battles as well. I inflicted self-harm from ages 11 to 17 and at 18 attempted suicide by taking medication that belonged to my mother. While trying to get my life on track I became pregnant with my daughter, 18 months after her birth I was pregnant with my son. I realized fairly quickly the relationship with their father was not working, I could not compete with his drug addiction. In my mind a family consisted of a Father, Mother, and their children, it was actually the fantasy I wanted because I did not experience that in my childhood. That influenced me in the choice of my first marriage.
I wanted that so badly, when a man wanted to marry me, a mother with 2 children. The truth is in my heart I knew that was the wrong decision but I snuck off and did it anyway. I still ended up being a single mother, broke, with no stability, divorced, with 3 children. Just to name a few challenges. The list goes on, but life is full of them. Yes even now, I have challenges the lesson learned is it is not the challenges that arise, what matters is how you face them and come out of them.
Appreciate you sharing that. What else should we know about what you do?
The job I have is heart work. It’s not to make a lot of money but to be of service to a community of people that are very much underserved. My mother faced so much before she passed very early in life I became her case manager. Opposition to mental health, addiction, and HIV. In my mind, I believed I would financially support organizations that supported and serviced the people that faced challenges like she did. The funny thing is, when there is a fate on something assigned in life, even when it is not your plan, you have to believe that is a part of your journey.
When the opportunity came I chose to accept it as a chance to be the person that someone was for my mother when she needed the same services we provide to people. That also applies to my personal business as an entrepreneur when I am asked as a guest to speak on a podcast, or in person and in coaching sessions, my intentions are always to be of service to someone. I not only have a love for people but a passion to help someone. Sharon Hurt changed my life professionally and personally which instilled in me to do the same in life in general.
What do you think about luck?
I do not believe that luck plays a part, I do however believe intentions are a big part of my life period.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.TheDueOverCoach.com
- Instagram: The_DUEOver_Coach
- Facebook: DUE Over Coach Denise & Denise Edmondson-Knowles
- Other: (tiktok) @dueovercoach
Image Credits
Missy Neely Photography
